OK. Even without knowing what the dr. told my editor in chief, I have decided: I am going to my sister's. (All those in favor, you may cheer now. ) However, I just made this decision last night, and I haven't informed her of it yet.

I did a bunch of research last night, though, and sent her an email with some questions, etc, and some thoughts.

This morning I woke up at a reasonable hour (9:00 -- considering I went to bed at 3, not too shabby!), all jazzed to do some work and be productive. Then I find this email from my sister. Remember, she doesn't know yet I've decided to go ahead regardless of what my former employer says.

So her email says, Kirk (another sister's husband) and Rich and I will be the ones to move you. We are coming to MOVE you, not pack and clean. You must have that done before we arrive. Depending on work schedules, you may not be able to stay through the end of April. Deal with it.

WTF am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to advertise the stuff I was going to sell if I don't know how long I'll be here? What do I tell people who want to see me before I leave town? And how the F am I supposed to clean and pack an entire apartment by myself in less than 3 weeks? Yes, I have time on my hands, but it's still a big job! I have a pdoc appt. scheduled for the 26th that I might not even be here for? I made my decision based on what I could reasonably expect to do by the end of the month!

Naturally, I responded to this news my usual way, which was to immediately return to bed, pull the covers over my head, and try to forget about it. I'm only up now because I have an interview to conduct in under 2 hours and I need to make myself look presentable and become minimally informed on the subject, so I don't look like a complete ***** when I'm talking to these people.

You know, most days I feel OK about myself, but it's when ***** like this happens that I realize I have made absolutely NO progress in 7 years of therapy -- I just regress to old behaviors. I should be angry with myself, but I'm just frustrated and sad.



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