The therapist is YOUR employee, people here like to say. I think however YOU choose to deal with that incident in therapy is your right. In today's society, everybody knows all the details to everything already, right? That's what I meant by, if it's "common", at this point both of you already know the type of incident, so what is the purpose of you spelling out the gory details?

What is more important is how you felt, what happened as a result. For example, you tried to talk to someone and they didn't believe you, or you hated hockey from that point on, or whatever, you know what I'm saying.

Would you be okay with saying, 'When The Thing happened, I felt etc...'. I mean, your FRIENDS might not appreciate you holding back the details of a story, but your therapist isn't there to satisfy his own curiosity. At this point, it's not The Thing that's important anymore anyway, really, it's all the psychological "stuff" that happened or didn't happen - stunted emotional growth, weird defenses, poor relationship and coping skills (i'm referring to myself, of course!) that are fallout from The Thing.

I get the feeling your therapist recognizes and acknowledges your pace and your space. You had this unpleasantness foisted upon you. Is there some reason you can't deal with it tastefully, as YOU would prefer? Not to sound like Miss Manners, but she may have a point!

Is this a workable compromise? Because I don't think a judgment should be (or will be) made that you "don't want" help because you don't live up to some predetermined requirement. I don't think there IS such a requirement. It's pretty much just show up and work it out between the two of you. If that T doesn't work, find someone else. I feel very hopeful about your situation.