don't apologize, PH. It helps me to know that other people see some of the inconsistencies too, because otherwise I start to doubt whether it's real or all in my head.

I forgot to say, I told T tonight that her experience of our relationship is vastly different from mine, that for her it's a job and she has a protocol and a literal MANUAL to tell her what to do, and for me it's my *life* and there is no manual, there is no protocol, and it will never fit into a book.