Dijmart, did your Pdoc not want to increase your AD above minimum because of it having caused severe depression? Or to keep it in balance with the others? Or both maybe?

Yeah, Anika, I've been frustrated with the prior "no"s and wish I'd asked why, though her having upped the Lamictal at various junctures a pretty good indication of her reasoning. I remember your leftover AD temptation clearly. Heh, and I felt hypocritical with my post at that time, and that was before my latest temptation! I definitely WILL ask again, and am not afraid to do so. (I'm so glad the yoga is doing such great things for you!!! )

AbeIsAbe, yeah, see, I don't really know. I've never had an AD WITH a mood stabilizer. They were really a mixed bag by themselves (different ones at various dosages and combos). At the time I was taking them, I didn't know about BP. Looking back I realize that one definitely sent me hypo (memorably dancing on the counters in the middle of the night scrubbing the cabinets, singing all over the place, shouting, "OMG, they've got my old record collection!" anyone? Besides that I felt WAY too good only 2 days into taking it... (clue much?!) Another was an UNMITIGATED disaster, sending me rapid cycling with some of the most disturbing action-filled severe depressions --along with "physical hallucinations" (the only way I can describe them -- feeling physically shoved to step out into traffic) and the worst mixed I've ever had. It was hell, and was on it for quite some time, not making the connection. Once I had it down to the one that seemed ok, I could assess it better with nothing else mixed in. I hesitated coming off it. I'd learned a bit about BP by that time, so knew what I was watching for. THAT is the one I'd be willing to try again. But only WITH mood stabilizer. The others? No way in hell!

Has anyone's prescriber been so blunt as to say that they think it would push you to act? That's kind of my big fear (that she'll say that, not that I would act). Now that I've told her what I have...
To my thinking, it's beyond time to at least experiment. I trust her, but at the same time, I realistically know I'm not above experimenting on my own if it comes to that. I can't keep existing this way.