No, skeksi, what you said was VERY helpful. I'M sorry I didn't make that more clear, really.

I guess I was just realizing that I feel guilty saying these things about my dad, when he's dead and can't "defend himself" (it doesn't make any sense, but so little does with all of this, you know?)

I think you are SO BRAVE to be able to talk about this stuff and work on your healing and still be around your brother. It took me years of my dad being gone before I could even go NEAR the topic, years when I could have been healing. You are very courageous, and I always, ALWAYS look forward to reading your posts. That is TRUTH.


Thank you to EVERYONE who is helping me in this thread. I feel so triggered by all of this that I can't believe anyone can even stand to read it...I really appreciate you guys so much.