Quote:
Originally Posted by cowlover22
I already see a dietician..she is wonderful! Actually anyone who can put up with me and this ED is pretty wonderful.
|
Hey, I'm glad you have someone who cares. You deserve that.
Quote:
|
Well the T that is leaving(actually the hospital is closing the outpatient psch..doesnt make money) has her own private practice but is afraid that i am to much of a liabilty. It is away from the city and what if something were to happen while I was there..ie pass out. But after talking with her today she is afraid what will happen if I see this new person for a while and then just quit. So maybe if things dont work out she will see me after all.
|
I do hope that she continues to see you. But you may have to work hard to prove that you WON'T be a liability for her and that you want to get better. Some part of you does, otherwise you wouldn't keep going back to therapy.
Quote:
|
Keeps telling me I am going to die. Tired of hearing that and that I am malnourished..prob denial but..I told her we are all going to die anyway..then she says I am suicidal..I guess if you look at it that way..slowly I am..I have a lot of major health problems. Some because of the Ed and others because of my lupus.
|
We are all going to die eventually, true. But that doesn't mean we should hasten our death. There has got to be some things you've always wanted to do with your life and haven't yet...? I have a lot of major health problems too. It gets to you and drains your ability to cope sometimes I think.
Quote:
|
I am greatful that she cares so much, but I just dont want to see anyone else because I cant tell her all the reasons why I hate myself. Very extensive abuse history and only 2 people know of it and that tool me years to trust them. But for now I just keep trying to plug along..really though I just dont understand how some people can get over this and well I havent. Guess I have had it for so long and I am told I am one of her worse cases but still...I dont want it anymore! Have good days..start to gain weight and just freak out.
|
I'm glad she cares. Do try to be honest with her. You can print off your posts here, maybe like this one, to give to her. It could help start a conversation. Addictions like eating disorders are hard to beat, and it depends on so many different things and how well you cope... there is no "right way" to quit an eating disorder. It's just really hard.
Quote:
|
I really dont like ensure but I just glup it down. I dont eat things because I like the taste of them. If I did I prob wouldnt eat half the things I do.. Well at least I know somebody cares..but why I have no idea/ dont know why I have so many people that like me. Plus if they knew the real me they wouldnt like me anyway..Dont know if this even makes sense or not. Have the time I dont know if it is the ED thoughts or my own. It is really hard to analize all of your thoughts.
|
It IS hard to analyze thoughts! I know the thought of "if only they REALLY knew me, they wouldn't like me". It's been one of mine sometimes too. Eating disorders correspond with depression, and it IS a thought that isn't really your own. And it's a bad thought to have and hard to beat. But I do know that if YOU knew yourself as the positive person other people see -- that you would like you. It's just hard to get to that spot.
Quote:
Thanks again for the support. Hopefully I will beat this damn disease and be able to help people someday..not have people learn b/c of my death or something like that..Well better get to bed..Have a good day. .Are you recovered?
|
You will beat it. And help lots of people. Hey, you can help people while you're fighting it. See if you can give talks or advice to people who might be developing an ED - show them how it really is and how it affects your life. So maybe other people can be spared a similar suffering.
I'm off to bed soon myself. Have a good day.
And no, not really recovered. Although by comparison I guess I don't really have a severe ED, just really bad patterns of behaviour. I vascillate between eating too much and not eating at all... all the time.
