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I'm sorry vintage! I've never been dx'd with OCD so I don't know if our experiences are exactly the same but all of your fears above sound so much like mine. I'm afraid of a certain number that a lot of people are... But I go so far as to pull the car over to a gas station on the interstate if the odometer reads that number. If it's the tracking, I always reset it at 65 miles (and I'm not the driver I don't have a car). I have this fear that that number is just complete doom, destruction, everything negative in my life.
But you said that was only mentioned by a previous poster. I do however relate to the other fears. The posession... I can't watch some movies any more because I'm afraid that it will open doors. I can't talk about posession too much because I think it will cause myself or those close to me to become posessed.
I get thoughts in my head, not thoughts I want there but "what if..." thoughts and those thoughts scare the heck out of me... Because once I think them I feel like they are going to happen because I thought them. It makes being a single mother to a three year old pretty difficult because I non stop worry about her when she's not with me.
This feeling even works when it comes to aliens. I've never believed in them. I've never thought they were nessesarily real but always figured if they were they didn't care about us. But when I see something on TV about them, or when people talk about them and I start thinking about it... Start to wonder if there are others in the universe I start to panic and think because I thought about them that they were going to come after me and my family. But I don't believe in aliens really so that thought is completely irrational to me... But I still feel that way when I talk about certain things.
I'm terrified with the words I say. They will replay in my head all day long until the time proves the fear would not happen. Like checking the stove when I leave the house. If I forget I will think about it normally within the first 15 minutes of leaving. But sometimes I can't go home, I'm in too much of a rush or something (I was 20 minutes late to a t appointment once for this very reason, I went back to check the stove and it was off lol) but if for some reason I can't check the stove all day until I can get home and check it I will be panicked about the house burning down. That's just a simple explination...
But a year ago I was in an accident. I mean I've been like this my whole life but lately it's been worse since the accident. My car had been acting up but it was a few days after my birthday. My birthday present from my bf had broken and he was taking me out of town to get a new one. We took my car because it had been in the shop for 2 weeks and I wanted to take it out. He was driving and as we left town I was on the phone with my mom. She asked if we should be driving the car since the shop hadn't figured out or fixed the problem with the car. I told her "Nah it's ok. If we have to leave it there we still have the truck we don't need the car". An hour later I woke up to a tow truck coming right at me. The car was totaled and I still thank God for letting me walk away. Those words "I don't need the car" still ring in my head today. Especially since I just lost my license in August for having a seizure. I feel like it all happened because I said those words. But I know it didn't.
I'm terrified of everything because of these thoughts. I know exactly how you feel. You feel like because you think something that it will happen. And it makes you feel like a bad person because you know you feel this way but you still think the thoughts. But the thoughts are really normal thoughts, the worries... It's just when we get carried away with them that they cause to be a real problem. Life is full of coincidences that can cause you to think that your thoughts controll certain things, but they are coincidences not reality. I just wish we could know that when we do feel that way. It's too easy to forget facts when our minds are getting carried away with us.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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