Boy, when things are bleak, it's so hard to have them be anything but ....bleak.
And telling you to NOT feel this way is not going to help. So I will refrain. I did want to say that you are in my thoughts, and I find your candor refreshing as h#$ll actually. About all I can offer is that, as a writer, I know that the silences...the UMMM spots can be necessary, at least, for an entire project to emerge. Is it possible to look at your UMMS as silences? I recommend a book called Silences, by Tillie Olsen, mostly written for (blocked) writers but still and all, useful for those of us wanting to communicate to at least ourselves, and sometimes to others, about things that are not coming yet...maybe yet to be born, but UMM, well, you get the point. Perhaps the river will thaw and you will be in t talking a mile a minute, wondering how the words could come so fast. Or perhaps not. But know that we care.....Blessings, MCL