So can relate Sloppyjo...I am the oldest of 6 sisters..and was brought up to try and be the peacemaker, at the cost of learning I have a right not to be scared to take care of myself and that having needs myself is something to be guilty about. I too, do volunteer work, but to me its not about my own needs as about wanting people around me not to suffer..the volunteering does seem to be the one thing that makes me feel like I have worth, the other stuff is just trying not to make people mad or upset..but just wanted to let u know I can relate...I hope u follow ur heart with your step daughter..whereever that leads u to..tough love is something I dont think I have the personal capability to do..to much empathy factor..but I am amazed at those who can..they must be very strong inside and pretty well grounded..