I'm so deep into my disorder I can barely discern what is healthy and what's not anymore.
I tried go on a liquid diet until Friday but I ate an apple and then purged it. I failed to follow the calories that the center told me I had to. I haven't got to see my therapist, my nutritionist, my psychiatrist or my personal trainer. As an outpatient, I didn't go to any of the required meetings and when I saw a lady from the center at my door, I ran out the back. I'm at a friend's apartment on a cigarette and gin binge skipping all my meals and classes. I don't know what to do anymore because I don't wanna go back but I wanna stop.

Why does everything have to be so f***ing complicated in my head? Why can't I just know what I need to do and do it?