Saw T tonight. The session was productive. We talked a lot about my anxiety issues. I am always afraid; the source is not fully known. I asked why I keep repeating the same mistakes, especially socially. T thinks it is because I want to be understood, so I say too much. He also noticed that I often give myself the same bad advice that my mother gave me. I had not realized that. We also discussed my career choices. I need to find something that I really like to do.

T kept returning to one of my oldest memories that I shared last session. I was 3 or 4 years old and had my first nightmare. Prior to it, I had always slept through the night. I didn't know what to do but heard the TV on and knew my parents were up. So, scared as all heck, I got out of bed and walked down the hall to the living room. My parents were on the couch resting in each others' arms and watching TV. I looked at them, unable to speak from fear. They looked at me and then waved me off and both of them said go back to bed! My feelings were so hurt; I felt so disappointed. They did not ask what was wrong or how I was or if I'd had a bad dream; they did not try to comfort me or make me feel welcome. I put my head down, turned around and trudged back to bed. It is my earliest memory and was an omen of things to come. T thinks I told the interviewer too much because I was seeking comfort and understanding. We will discuss some more when T returns from vacation.