That is so hard when you feel it coming on again. the only thing I can think to say is that it doesn't have to be as bad as it has before. and you know your surroundings better than anyone one else, but possibly others would admire/appreciate you for seeking help too? we always extend understanding to others but won't let ourselves be 'needy.' maybe there is just one person there you could trust and throw a little bit out there? I hope you will find what you need