((((((Readytostop))))))

For me, this is part of the "working through". T told me that every time I "go there"..to the triggery, hard stuff...even for a minute, I am learning to tolerate it just a little bit more. It took me 3 1/2 years to get to the hardest stuff in my therapy, and at the rate I'm going, it feels like it will take me another 3 1/2 years to get through it. BUT, as slowly as it's going, I do feel like there is some kind of general forward movement. I used to get triggered and dissociate and it would take me DAYS to get back to "normal". Now, I usually can get grounded again during the appointment, and have a normal day when I leave. Not always, but more often than not. I still can't sit there and talk about it, but just being able to be triggered and come back is progress, and I trust that it will keep getting better.

A few years ago, T pointed out to me that when I got close to something hard, I would say "I want to talk about something else" and change the subject immediately. He asked me if I could just try to stay with it for a minute before we moved on to something else. So, I did, and that was probably the beginning of starting to move through stuff (SLOWLY).

I'm pretty positive I couldn't handle moving any more quickly than we're moving. T tells me sometimes, "you're moving at exactly the pace you're supposed to move, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be. It couldn't happen any other way."

Nine months was still the beginning phase of therapy for me. There was one hard thing we talked about in that time, but it was mostly the incredibly slow process of building trust, learning to cope with feelings, etc. Nothing even close to "working through" the really hard stuff.

I feel SO impatient to just HEAL already, but I think we need to be gentle with ourselves and let it take the time it needs.

Have you told T that you're feeling frustrated about this? Maybe he needs to hear where you're at with it so he can gently push you a little...or maybe you're right where you're supposed to be and he can give you some reassurance about that.

Be gentle with you.