Thank y'all

I guess I felt exposed posting. I have been dealing with not letting paranoia control me latley.

Christmas and Thanksgiving (which won't be an issue this year I will be spending it with bf's family) are huge triggers for me. Christmas more than anything.

Some abuse happened during Christmas gatherings and my mom's side of the family (where abuser came from) are very toxic and triggering for the most part. As October grows to a close the more and more anxiety ridden I become. Also a part of me is frustrated I have to participate in a holiday that isn't even one I personally celebrate. I do it for my family (Christmas is a big deal to them). Once I get past my mom's side of the family I am okay it's just the dread, anxiety, and paranoia dealing with the build up of the event.