Well done for e-mailing your T with this. As others have said. I am very sure T will know exactly why you reacted the way you did - he is trained to deal with us and I know I too have threatened to quit a couple of times - the last time T really told me off and told me it was inappropriate to just stop coming - that made me feel really childish, but it worked.

The other thing I wanted to say though, is that in 18 months we have only missed 3 sessions, 2 when I was on leave and 1 when T was. We have the same day / time every week - once we had to change the day and T acknolwedged how this could make me feel strange, as we get used to routine.

I really value the fact that we do meet on the same day / time - it is my protected time to think about me and it gets me through the week. So for me with what I know now, I do think personally I would always look for a T where I could have these regular sessions - sounds like this is something that your current T does not offer? Is there a reason why it is difficult for him to set up a more rigid routine?

Be gentle with yourself, if we could all handle these situations and our responses, none of us would need to see T's. Soup