thank you all for your feedback.

I have to go to the bank today to get the rent money for my share of the apt today. Ugh.
But I realize that if I don't deal with this, it's only going to get worse.

I agree with all of you.

I am not going to guilt myself for not doing it if I can't sometimes.

But I am also working hard to deal with the origin of my fears.

I still look to others for approval/validation/mirroring and if I perceive something other than a model of positive regard, I go berserk with anxiety. Times like this I need to remind myself that my insides do seem to look worse than others' outsides. I am just self-conscious. Everyone has to do their thing, at the bank, at the store, whatever. It's just my perceptions of what I think ppl are thinking of me that hangs me up and that was from massive childhood traumatization (see my profile for details).

thanks,

Billi