This next week is going to be hard. I am already a nervous wreck thinking about it. I have an app to go to the volunteer board with my community support worker on Monday. That should be ok because I have her with me for support. The volunteer part tho freaks me out. A schedule, having to be somewhere at a certain time and around people. I know it will be good for me in the long run I'm just scared.

The scarier part is that I have been on a wait list for anorexia treatment for a long time. They called today and I an to come into the eating disorder clinic on Wednesday. I am soooo terrified of going. I gained 5 lbs putting me just at a three digit number which I am extremely uncomfortable with. I am terrified of getting weighed. I feel fat and short and just plain feel like I have to go to an Ed clinic as a fat anorexic ughh it's weird. I have this fur all over my body and face that I would live to be gone. But even that is not enough. I should mention that I was dx with anorexia at age 5 surprisingly and I am now 32. So its been a long long time just getting to this point. I'm scared I'll back out, and I'm scared I'll get better.

I didn't want to post this in the Ed forum because is amazingly dead in there and I know I'm going to need support with this. My moods set off my starvation modes very much so. When I loose control of my moods I can control my food.

Thanks for listening ,
Anika