cook, if this girl really has changed you may have to either find a way to work past this in your mind, or to understand it. Sex and lovemaking and everything can be very different for different people and for different relationships. It may not be the same, and might not mean the same thing as a true relationship with someone. So as disgusting as it is you can still have something special with this girl and this past does not need to touch you, too
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
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