This is a post just to vent so I can maybe get this out of my head and go to sleep.

Some very difficult sessions lately covering some very triggering topics has led me into a state of really having to deal again with PTSD symptoms: flashbacks and anxiety and severe depression mostly. My pdoc added a med for anxiety, but it is not a benzo (my request) so it will take some time to kick in (package insert says days to weeks). He did give me something for more immediate relief, but it is so sedating that I can only take it at night. So, the anxiety issue has yet to really respond to meds.

Right this moment the anxiety is about an 8 on a scale of 10. We went to the football game tonight and I really thought all of the distraction would maybe kick out the anxiety, but I think it may have made things worse. Too much stimulation maybe. So here it is after midnight and I can't wind down to rest. Very frustrating.

I'd call my T, but there isn't a thing he can do about it. I'd call my pdoc but he'd probably tell me it's time to go to the hospital. This will pass; this will pass; this will pass. Mind over matter, right?

We lost the game by the way against a team ranked very high in the state. It was our first loss of the season, but boy was it a good game! The boys have nothing to be ashamed of. They'll probably end up in the play-offs even with this loss. Oh, and the band looks absolutely amazing. They've won everything in every contest so far this season. I suspect they'll win it all. Beauty in motion. (Sorry I just got sidetracked. I'm very passionate about our students.)

Anyway, thanks for reading. Maybe it's out of my system now? Wishful thinking probably.