ugggh, it's 4 30 am and I cannot sleep, I told myself to put it away, but my mind won't stop, I tried some relaxation, and meditation, but my head is still buzzing in circles, my thinking is getting more ridiculous as the night goes on. Trying to figure out how to loose x lbs by x day, thinking this might be my last shot. Ok I know that is not right. Also thinking about how I would feel if I recovered, would I have to make this child inside me grow up and be a woman. I do feel like someone is trying to steal my teddy bear away, my security.