My Support Forums - View Single Post

PurpleFlyingMonkeys · Oct 22, 2011, 07:48 AM

4 days for my appointment and the closer it gets the worse my anxiety gets. I've been waiting since August for this appointment for my anxeity. Now that it's getting closer it's getting worse. I keep getting these thoughts...

All day long I get these feelings in my chest. My chest starts to feel heavy, like someone is sitting on it. I don't feel like I take breathe and then my chest starts hurting. That's about when I realize it's the anxiety but by that point there really is no turning back, there is just fighting the vcurrent feelings. Once they start they are there for the remainder of the day. I have to fight all day long to keep from a panic. I don't know why I'm so anxious.

When I was younger I didn't think I would make it to 13. I remember always feeling this way. When I made it to 13 I thought I would pass before I turned 16. When I turned 16 I thought the same for 18 and when I turned 18 I felt the same about 21. I don't know why. Now a similar feeling is emerging about making it to this appointment I've been waiting so long to go to. The appointment is about both physical and mental issues. The anxiety appears to be causing seizures and fainting spells and such so getting even more anxious is not a good thing...

I don't know why I'm writing. I can't believe I was as honest as I was above about that... I try not to say anything and try not to think it. I fell like if I think it or say it, it will make it happen.

I'm getting anxiety attacks for no reason. I get the feeling and no negative thoughts are running through my mind. They always just pop out of no where. It's only after they start that the negative thoughts start.

Just 4 more days.... 56 hours... I'm so afraid of this. The stress causes blackouts. And I can never tell if it's going to be a normal blackout or one medically caused. I get taken away and the worst feeling is memory loss followed by everyone in the room standing over you while you lay on the floor, your boyfriend over you with tears pouring down his cheeks and the entire room is different than it seemed to be just a second before you lost your memory. But you really lost consciousness for minutes and not seconds. It's so horrifying. I'm so afraid of my own self, of my own mind. It's so scary when everyone is standing over you thinking you were going to die, thinking you had died.

They thought I was dead the night I had the seizure. I don't know... I didn't go to the ER until 3 days later when the feeling started to come back. There were 4 people in the room and they all thought I was dead. They thought I was dead when I stopped breathing for nearly 3 minutes when I fainted 2 years ago as well... It's so scary... I don't know what will happen next or when it will happen. Those two instances both happened while I was under a large amount of NORMAL stress. I was having normal thoughts, going about my normal business and they happen. What will happen if things go terribly wrong? Will I make it through next time?

I'm so afraid...