I do eventually want a long term committment although, he & I didn't talk about that too much in detail. He did tell me that he isn't ready for a committed relationship NOW because he's still trying to figure out what to do about his job in another state (where he's living) & that he feels he has to figure out what he's doing with his career. Trying to possibly move back home & get out of the business he is currently in. I completely understand, but I guess being the romantic that I am, I just figured that since we've always liked each other & theres 18 years history there that he'd at least be cool to me. This disappearing act he's done has been a total shock to me. I would have NEVER expected this from him. Like I said before, I thought if anything, we were friends. What he's doing now is just disrespectful in my book.

I feel so rejected & foolish. I think the worst part for me is again, I knew he liked/likes me & I feel like I must have done something to scare him off. I feel like a silly little girl. The silly girl he knew 18 years ago. I'm now 40.

The chemistry between us was incredible. He said all the right things & I fell for it. Although, I realize once romance comes into play things change for men.

This is killing me.