I've had that kind of experience. I'm also alcoholic and when sober I have "drunk dreams" I wake up so relieved I didn't really drink but the dreams are so real. I say embrace that feeling of relief and call it up when the urge to si rears its ugly head. I think the urge to si is like a craving. If you "surf the wave" as they say in dbt, the urge passes. They say a craving...for a cigarette or a drink or whatever...passes in a very short time if we don't give it space in our heads. Will be out of town for a week. Know that I am thinking about you. Keep talking and talking and talking.