(((((Anika))))) Giving up something that makes you feel secure is tough.
Giving up something that might be one of the few things you have control over is tough.

From reading your post & all you've been thru, if anyone can do this it's you!

Won't be easy, probably won't be quick. My prayer is that you get someone & a group you can trust to unveil the things you need to deal with.
Give this a chance, down the road you will really be glad you did.

Years ago... I got down to 92 lbs once & 94 lbs another time, I am 5 foot 4in
This can be conquered, don't be too hard on yourself.
You know we are all here for you?
Post about this as you feel comfortable.