Thanks Chaotic, thanks for believing in me! I'm not sure I believe in myself right now. My lowest in the last few years was 84 and looking back at pictures I can see that I looked ill and I couldn't see that at the time. I guess at least I can see it now. But my mind still says to get back to the 80's. It's such a number game in the head. I have a daughter who is 11 and I'm trying to keep in mind what message I am sending her.

At bikram yoga you kinda have to wear the least amount of clothing as possible. I am standing there trying to decide to take more clothing off. It's soooo hot in that hot room. And I just couldn't do it. It sucked. There was people there of all shapes and sizes that seemed perfectly comfortable in less clothing in public. But not me. This made me feel really upset at my lack of self confidence or esteem body wise. Like when will I ever be good enough for me. If not, when, when I am 40, 60, 80. I feel like I'm loosing out big time.