Tree, I am so sorry you are going through this. I really am. I know those body memories are very very yucky and dissociation is frightening. I wish I can help you take it all away. Can you right stuff down on a piece of paper then tear it to shreds. Maybe that will help alleviate some of the symptoms. I wish I had more than this comment to offer. We are here for you. Keep posting over and over again if you need to.