Lexicon, Wisewoman, Sabrina, Katheryn, Magickal, Silvergriffin.....yours words of kindness have touched my heart, thank you.

Ovidblue, I understand you completely, and your words have been helpful, thank you for caring.

Fury, I've asked myself those questions a million times, do you know, I still don't have an answer. I know that will seem crazy, perhaps even unbelievable, but the fact is, I'm not angry with myself or Mark!
His abandonment of me hurts me more than mere words alone could ever express, I still can't believe he left me here alone. We were raised with one another in state institutions, Mark was all I ever knew or understood. Until his death, we were almost inseparable, we used to do virtually everything together. We even got our own contract firm running, we lived together and we ate together, heck, until we started renting a house we even slept together in our Bedford van.
My entire world just fell to pieces around me when Mark died, a bomb could have gone off under my backside, it couldn't have hurt me any deeper than the gaping wound which had wrenched my heart in two. I've known terrible pain in my life, pain which defies description, none of it could compare, it all seemed laughable after that terrible day.
I only wish you were correct in saying there are people in this world whom care about me, I have a woman and a daughter, but they don't need me, my daughter needs me to be her daddy but my woman, she doesn't need me any more than anyone else has ever needed me. If I were to be gone from this realm tomorrow, she would find someone else in no time at all. People don't 'need' me, therefore, they cannot truly care for me, I 'need' my brother, I thought he needed me, I guess I was wrong..........