I've never had a serious relationship. I'm not particularly attracted to men, like, the ideal of a 'fit' male with 6pack and big muscles does nothing for me. There are men that I do find attractive, but I think I base this more on personality traits that I find adorable. I guess my 'perfect guy' would be a traditional 'gentleman' type like Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones, or Edward Cullen in Twilight -- not that I'm setting the bar too high, or anything I'm not hung up on looks, I swear! It's the personality! The thing that bothers me about the typical men I meet is that they tend to be shallow or sleazy, only after one thing, and obsessed with great boobs/butt/legs - and I'm not the perfect girl. I have self-esteem issues, and am not comfortable with my body, therefore I feel I couldn't go out/casually hook up with someone I think will judge me purely on that basis. I want someone to love ME for my personality.

I often joke that I wish I were gay - but I don't think I am. I love women, though. I do check girls out, but I think it's more of a 'I wish I looked like that' rather than 'I want to have sex with that.' I find womens personalities more desirable, too, though. I'm fascinated by women (I don't think I've ever been 'fascinated' by a man) that I perceive as being 'strong' and independent - typically older women. Meryl Streep, Hillary Clinton... again, more like I look up to them and see them as role models rather than a sexual thing. There are also women I admire and like to emulate -- Angelina Jolie for example, Gillian Anderson, Mariska Hargitay in Law & Order. Again, all 'strong' women rather than just pretty.

I don't think I'm asexual either, I just think I haven't met the right person? I guess I have the romantic view that one day I'll just lock eyes with someone across a room and sparks will fly. I'm assuming this is somewhat unrealistic, though...?

I feel quite abnormal.
Anyone relate?

At this rate I'm going to be one of those old ladies with lots of cats.