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I think it's different in many cases. In my case, I fell victim to the "loving" an abuser. It was my minds way of making what happened "right". After the man took something precious to me... I didn't know what else to do but to make myself love him, so I could accept what happened. I denied what happened so I could love him but I loved him because of what happened. It's a nasty vicious cycle and I'm so thankful my mind controlled me more than my heart, if I had acted on those irrational feelings who knows where I would have been. Back in those days I often imagined what had happened happening differently.... I imagined things didn't happen the way they really did. That in the end he was "caring" and "compassionate" and "understanding" and didn't force the things on me that he did. But I knew the truth. It seems like it basically is a way for us to make sense and come to terms with what has happened, in a very irrational unhealthy way. But normal none the less unfortunately...
Denial is healings worst enemy.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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