Candy... damn it! I don't want to do this, but I can't keep my mouth shut and you know it!

1. You are NOT a looser! You have a career! That's more than I had at 40. All I had was a passel of kids and 7 acres of land going to waste that we couldn't afford! I had buried my mom and traded her for PTSD, Anxiety and Depression!

You don't have a job right now because you ALMOST DIED!

2. Come on out and live with me! We'll put you on General Relief so they pay your rent and give you food stamps and Medi-Cal. They'll send you to Rehab to enforce your present skills or find new ones. Bring your car! That is a MUST.

The city college is 2 block from my home. We'll be taking classes together. I'm sure you've done all the Creative Writing and all the English classes there are to be had. So have I. We'll find something interesting.

When I get my dog, he'll be the one going in and jumping on you to drag your *** out of bed. Not me! I'm getting rid of that hassle tomorrow! (OMG! That just hit home!!!)

As for nothing unloveable about me, then why have all my kids put distance between me and them?? Even my six yr old granddaughter told a lie to keep from having to see me! I've only got ONE 3D close friend! There's GOT to me something about me that puts people off! Maybe it's because I'm fat and ugly. Who knows! Maybe my opinions and my beliefs are all screwed up and I try to shove them down people's throat. Who knows! I don't!

All the "good things" in my life that I want now is for this separating to be OVER and in the past! I want to be settled into my Alone Routine! I want to have forgotten that *I* tried again to be someone he could get along with! Talk about feeling like a Looser!!

I know I have good qualities... but they sure haven't done anything for me in 3D!