So it looks like I will need to break up with my therapist.
First of all, she is super busy with hours at both of the clinics the practice has, and has only been able to fit me in twice a month for the last month. Obviously, this makes me and DH less than happy, since my major manic episode was just in August and I only restarted therapy after that.

Secondly, she basically said she thinks I'm an alcoholic. Okay, I get that I was self-medicating over the Summer with alchol, but even in the mania I never drank alone with my kids, never drank during the day, etc. and I have not had a drink (or even a real desire for one) in 2 months. She also keeps saying I need to establish boundaries with DH, which i agree with to some extent, but she thinks we are too meshed together/codependent, etc. I disagree - we're just a young couple living in the boonies with small children, so our opportunities for a wider social circle are necessarily limited. We are both somewhat estranged from our families, as well, so we HAVE to depend on each other more than other people might. Anyway, she is clearly skeptical of that, and I sometimes feel like she is pushing me to lean less on the only support person I really have, which makes me (of course) anxious and panicky. I don't feel like she is hearing me when I try to communicate this and, clearly, talking more to her about it is beyond my capacity at present.

The problem is, I can't break up. With anyone. I once broke up with a boyfriend by deciding to go back to college after the summer.. SIMPLY TO GET AWAY FROM HIM. And he wasn't a bad guy, I just don't know how to break up with people and hate to disappoint anyone. I know it's not personal, and she probably won't give a crap, but my anxiety on this is huge.

DH's TDoc suggested to him that he run through practice scenarios with me to get me ready for the encounter. He basically said my issues with this (in addition to my social and generalized anxiety, both made worse by either depression OR hypo) are pretty typical and that practice should give me the crutch I need to get through it.

The other problem is that I don't know who to see instead. There are only like 2 other local tdocs on our insurance, and so far DH has not been able to get a callback from either one. (Heaven forbid I should attempt those calls myself... *shudder*. Anyone else have serious phone phobia?)

Has anyone else broken up with their Tdoc? How did you handle it, especially anyone with anxiety around it. DH even asked his Tdoc if he would consider seeing me as well, but he wasn't comfortable seeing both of us - especially in light of the circumstances we are dealing with after the event, I suspect.

Anyway, any input on this would be appreciated.

Thanks!
Elyria