I think most of us already know we are NOT becoming our mothers

Yes, you can do this. It still hurts, though.

IMO, the reason you feel like a failure is because you do cling to "what might have been." We all do that. We mourn any kind of loss. In trying not to put blame on others, we take it upon ourselves. My T would tell you to try not to put blame anywhere, don't consider that blame needs to go anywhere. (OOPS did I just put words into my T's mouth??)

Reread your siggy. Haven't you said you believe "3s a charm?"

This, too, shall pass. Hang in there. So many things can be better. Many things in life are "trade-offs." Enough cliche's! TC