Masimo, this is SO important. Please don't think I'm minimizing your feelings or picking on you. I have been stepping thru this minefield myself, trying to figure out what part of my feelings are real, what part of what I am saying to my T is the truth. That is all that matters.

You say, if you were the therapist - yes. Then you would NOT relieve this tension, for how does that help the patient grow? The tension IS one of their tricks - they will never relieve it, you must do it yourself. This tension, if you can work through it, can tolerate it, can stand the embarrassment of it WITH ONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU and will NOT let you fall - it's like ice-skating, it looks so scary, but with someone supporting you, you can glide across the pond, you won't fall, and you won't be embarrassed. Ask the questions you are shy to ask and learn from them. They only apply to the therapy room.

It's kind of like having a baby - it's the most common thing in the world, yet when it happens to you, it's the most special thing ever and it's like it never happened before.

You won't HAVE to leave your husband if you find these things out about yourself, maybe the dead horse you speak of is your marriage. So many people are here for you, truly.