Hi ruckus940,
In my own experience there was no way I could "force" forgiveness. I spent too long saying it was "fine," and I was "fine." So I had to have room to be really, really angry. What I have found helpful in my own recovery is therapy, ACoA: adultchildren.org (for family dysfunction, not only alcoholism) and medication. I have moved into a place of acceptance now, but it took me a long time. What I have had to do over time is focus on myself and realize I have no power over other people.
Sending supportive thoughts your way...
Elana