Yeah, I think the lesson for us "independents" is more in the reaching out. Whenever I say, "I almost called you this weekend" T says, you should have, why didn't you? The bother to them, is less than the possible therapeutic gain to us, not just for the immediate problem, but in the act of reaching out and being heard and responded to, and whatever THAT does to our poor hurt litle hearts and brains. Instead of always taking care of THEM, being our parents' and our own caretaker, we get taken care of, we learn to trust. Very difficult for us.