My T always says I can contact her, and that I can call crisis lines when shes not in office, But I have only ever called her three times 1) because I didnt have my timetable in bag to arrange a suitable time for her to call me for weekly check up, so I called when I found it at home, 2) because I wanted to ask something about what she had said in the appointment, 3) because I felt so incredably empty and I just needed someone to hear me, just for a minute.

the third time was not my worst state, I refuse to talk to anyone in my worst states, T knows I wont phone crisis lines and my promises that I will are lies to keep her happy, but I called her because I knew if I didnt, id just never drag myself out of that moment.