Now that I realize how the attraction to strong, commanding personalities is something typical of BPD, putting it together with all the other bits, I really think my psych must have known I was Borderline, and chose not to tell me.
I can relate to the fantasies, I have always had dreams and fantasies about intimidating, powerful figures, about being completely dependent (which is something that at a conscious level I avoid at all costs and find demeaning), even as a little kid.
I hope you find an answer to your duality, and possibly balance!