JD, I see your point about the PTSD. I have to say that it really takes time to learn how PTSD takes hold and can really work against those that have it. Yes, it is a beast, and it is very important to truely understand when it kicks in and how it kicks in and all the ways it kicks in causing so much stress. Geez, what would we do if we didn't know it existed or that we are not alone, I probably would think I was going crazy. It is truely such a troubling disorder to understand. And your so right about how this would take forever if I had to wait each week for an hour of finding out little bits and pieces. I also understand that PTSD is still being studied and it is important that therapists keep up on the new research. I understand what your saying about what my therapist is trying to convey, but he is not really on the mark. I can see how some CSA's could end up being constant victims because they are almost trained unknowingly how to be victims. However, as I said, I can pick up on it sooner than other people who have not been victims, and what aggrivates me is that others do not believe me until it progresses to the point where it is obvious.

For example my attorney, I felt something was not right a long time ago and yet it had to get to this point where my husband finally sees it and is now helping me communicate with him. The mark on my head at first is the abuser or person who recognizes he/she has made errors and then covers it up putting a spin on me. But I catch on and instead of allowing them to continue, I actually do stand up. I have done this many times and that is one thing some people do not like me, as my husband puts it, I am just too smart. For example my attorney knows he has screwed up more than once but would not appologize to me, instead he picked my husband knowing that my husband would not challenge him further. My husband is the nice guy and he doesn't always see the reality.
I have had this happen with trainers that tried to over charge and they would run from a confrontation with me because they knew I would call them on their faults. Whereas with my husband, they could smooth out their faults and work him over as my husband is more submissive.

What people in the kind of horse business that involves shady deceit don't like about me is that I catch what others miss, so they cant play their games with me, it drives them crazy, but that is how I get ahead, I can pick a horse and see through to the bad so they can't take advantage. Many people in business, especially the horse business are very sly and sneaky, so many tricks. However, on the other end because I have gained and produced the real quality through hard work, I also have been privy to learning alot of tricks. And I can do this because with shared secrets, I hold confidence and stand back as it is the tricker/sneaker that is responsible for the bad sale or hiding hidden issues that will eventually come up in a horse. I don't sell that way, I sell to someone as if I am the buyer and I don't buy broken beauties, I would rather buy beauties that no one else has ruined by poor training. Oh there is a lot to the horse world JD that so many do not know, I think I should write a book. Actually I have thought about it because when it comes to children, I really get upset when a child is sold a dangerous horse or pony. There really are not good laws that protect against buying a bad pony, you buy it you own it. There are so many tricks and so many people really get taken, even rich people.

But this situation I am in is difficult because I don't know the law. I see some of the errors but I just don't have the knowledge of how to get past it the smart way without me being the one who suffers. I am not jumping on anything, I am thinking about the pros and cons of each step. As I said, I didn't write the letter because I had a deposition scheduled, well, this time the other attorney is postponing. So I am caught in the middle, and I can't talk to the other side, boy I would like to do that, but this is a different game. It is such a strange game, finding the truth, justice is what one would think is important, but that is not the real game. It is getting away with whatever one can only in a legal way. It is one of the worst of the games in humanity as far as I am concerned. It kind of makes me wish I was younger because I might have wanted to take up Law and I would have wanted to flush out these scumbags. I am grateful for those few attorneys that see the holes and try to make changes for the clients

I suppose in some respect it is like the horse business there are some trainers that are really honest and expert horseman, yet there are others that move the horses that are hiding bad issues and they are just good liers and they wait for someone to come along that they can talk into buying a bad horse. Oh boy there are some really tricky horse salesmen out there and they don't care what happens to horse or rider once the money is in their hands and that horse leaves their property.

Open Eyes