Quote:
Originally Posted by Bitsandpieces
I have always had dreams and fantasies about intimidating, powerful figures, about being completely dependent (which is something that at a conscious level I avoid at all costs and find demeaning), even as a little kid.
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This is exactly how it feels.
In my bpd recovery process, I am attempting to dis-enact that legacy by acting in the fantasy in a different way.
In my fantasy, about 5 minutes ago, I told this man, "You cannot fix me, Anatoli. I like you, I admire you, I think you are the greatest. But I don't want to be 'down there' anymore. I realize now that we are equals. You have talents and I have talents. I want to look up to you, but I don't want to depend entirely on you. For your sake and for my own."
Changing my thoughts, I feel calmer, more balanced.
Hopefully in this vein I can function much better.
I am breaking that awful bpd cycle.
Billi
