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I'm going to ruin it... Do I want to? Not at all... Do I want to be with him? More than I can describe... But I am not brave enough. I'm not strong enough. I have a very strong urge to rip my hair out, scream and run in circles until I fall to the floor. I guess I'm manic right now... Or psychotic I can't tell. Either way it appears I'm on a path of self distruction.
His words go through me like you wouldn't believe. Every word he says that's not good about me, is so much worse than all the terrible things others have said about me. He's not abusive and mean at all either... Just when he says things like "You're always getting mad, it never stops". Ugh I can't take it... There's too much right now... Too much...
I'm drowning. Bills, medical problems, trying to buy a home, being a single mom... Now this... There is too much going on... I can't take it... I can but I want to run away. It's only a matter of time now I'm afraid... I've pushed too far and it's obvious his feelings for me wont go back to the way they were. I've tried. I've tried to change but today he proved by saying I was the exact same that the last couple weeks of me changing went unnoticed... I don't know what or who to be mad at.
I'm not doing so well today... Not at all...
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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