Welcome to crazy world of trying to drink all we want, as often as we want, and still have the people in our lives love us. It is very hard work being drunk and pretending that we aren’t. I found it exausting.

For me, it was all about the secret. I could never let anyone know how it really was with me. That confession might put my access to alcohol in jeperdy. And I wouldn’t have that. Alcohol wasn’t my problem, it really was my solution.

I hated what I call naked content. This world without a buzz on was a scary, hostile and lonely place to live. But after, say six shots of rum, the world changed from a hard, cold existence into a Technicolor wonderland. But the problem is I couldn’t stay drunk. I came to and all the crap I was trying to avoid yesterday, and any new crap I manufactured while drunk, came rushing back big time.

What could I do but drink it all away again? That is the vicious cycle we find ourselves in. And 9Lives, no matter how bad things are right now, in a year or two, you are going to call what’s going on in your life right now the good old days. Active alcoholism always gets worse over time, it never better.

Do you really think your husband doesn’t know something is wrong? The people around you may not know all the details, but like I said before, they aren’t fools either.

Quit lying, tell the truth. This disease lives in the lies we tell, in the secrets we keep, and in the fear we feel. Break the cycle. Find a recovery path that does not involve you trying to do it all alone in secret (that is a fools errand if there ever was one) and put into that recovery path, half the energy you put into staying drunk, and you will be amazed at what happens.

Good things happen to people like us when we don’t drink.

Richard