Roadrunner, I know you are right. My thinking at the moment says failure, letting people down. Never been good at that. But I've come a ways on my people pleasing ways.

I know sh is wrong, and is abuse in itself. I have not ate today and I think I should try to let that be self harm enough. Doesn't feel the same, but ultimately somehow I should know that is self harm too.

Does it ever get better. Does the pain ever go away? I've never been one to be angry. I hardly know how. I don't know if I am scared to be angry, what will happen? I was never allowed to be angry. And I don't allow myself to be angry now. I just don't know how to be. Sorry I am just placing my thoughts. Feels a bit better to get it out.

Thanks for listening and talking me through this guys. Its something you cannot put a price on.