Rose,
I would love to be able to help you, I just don't feel qualified since I am not a mental health professional. (I don't think highschool psychology classes count ). Do you have a therapist that can help you through all of this? (I know you mentioned a pdoc) It sounds like you have way too much going on to be able to handle it by yourself.

I'm sending good wishes your way, things WILL get better, please don't lose hope.

Love,
Sujin