Thanks and you're welcome Erinbear.
Yes SKR is a special person we went through so much together and also had things in common for example shes a single mom raisng a challenging child and so was i. She was a survivor of cancer and I was just diagnosed with cancer, and sso many other things that we had in common.

I had no choice but to enter therapy again. because I spent years out of therapy and when I did have therapy years ago I did not take care of things. Back then I was in denial of my DID and thought I didn't need no therapist to take care of my depression and so on. I also refused to be in therapy because of having been raped while in a mental health unit. The only way back then that I could prevent landing in MHU's due to suicidal behavior and self harm behavious was to not be in therapy. Well as unfinished and unresolved problems do everything cascaded and I was going to kill myself. Luckily I had tought my child about good touch and bad touch and tought him if he ever felt he was in danger or a situation he could not handle he was to go for help. He is a big part of why I am still here. and also a freind of mine who I somehow ended up on the phone with during that very dangerious situation. The end result was my child was placed into foster care and I was court mandated to remain in therapy as my therapist designated. If I hadnt been court mandated I would not have stayed in therapy and learned that not all therapy is like what I had experienced in the past.

I learned therapy was what YOU the person in therapy makes it. A therapist makes their therapy plans for a client based on what they bring into the sessions. So the client is actually the one in charge during therapy not the therapy. A therapist can't MAKE us do anything. All they can doo is remain objective and pointout ant parts of the situation that we are avoiding. Sometimes that makes the client upset because they would rather avoid and bury instead of take care of things.

Once I made that connection that therapy is only as good as I bring into it, I realized that all those therapists in the past that I considered jerks and not good and so on were actually going on what I was doing. I wasn't talking to them, I wasn't trying their suggestions and I wasn't taking care of my problems. I expected them to do all that, they were getting the money so they should be fixing me right. Well therapy dont work that way. Those therapists were not in my life 24 hours a day I was so I was the only one that could take care of those problems and make my life better.

After I figured that out and my child was on his way to the DHS office to be put into foster care I knew the only way I could get my son back was do whatever that intake caseworker said and a few days later she made sure I could not drop my therapist when things got hard again but requesting in court that I be court mandated to remain in therapy as my therapist designated and follow through with any and all recommendations on the upcomming comprehensive Psychological evaluation. As long as those evaluations stated I had to remain in therapy or my therapist stated I needed more therapy time I had to stay in therapy. 4 out of 5 of these past years in therapy was not my choice. The court said I had to be in therapy so I did it.

What made this alot easier was that since therapists make their plans for a client based on what the therapist brought into the sessions - I could do the same thing - make up my own therapy plans before that therapist could come up with plans that I didnt like and did not want to do. LOL Back in 2001 I figured as long as I was comming up with things to do and following through with doing them whatever therapist I ended up with would not be making any plans that I didn't like and all the reports to the court would be favorable. It worked. SKR let me run with my plans and then added to them them if she saw something about them that I was missing. This time therapy even though it wasn't my choice didn't feel like work alot of times. I was still taking care of my feelings and problems but in fun ways like crafts, arts, research, and sop on. SKR once said at a court hearing that she felt she was just there for the ride. I knew what I needed to do and I got out there and did it. LL says I make her job easier for not only am I doing my job but hers too because I make my own plans and follow through and I do it in such a way that I end up covering more parts of the therapy plans then most other clients. Sometimes it a challenge to take a problem and make a plan to solve that problem but makong that plan myself and doing it for mw works better then someone else saying ok here's the deal take it or leave it.

Yes making that transition into friendship was good. If SKR and I hadn't done that we would have lost the both of us. I was going down and she was too with all the stress from the DHS caseworker at that time. It seemed like every time we turned around that caseworker had SKR before the ethics committee for this bogus charge and that one from seeing me too much to not seeing me enough to not helping and co operating with her. We would no more then start getting back on track when that Wicked B...... would throw something else at us. The only was sKR and I knew at that time to get that sorry excuse for a woman out of what I needed to do for therapy was change SKR's and my relationship from therapy to friendship. Once that was done that DHS caseworker could not put this kind of stress on either one of us. It was definately a good thing.