At the ranch where I board my horses in California & went to when I was living there, there was a lady who was in the process of adopting her granddaughter (3 years old at that time). The mother was abusive to the child & would slap her for absolutely nothing. The little girl was at the ranch & the grandmother had told her not to touch something in a very kind way.....the little girl walking behind her was slapping herself in the face.....at the age of 3.....that was what her mother always did when she did something wrong....so the little girl was doing it to herself.....it was what she thought she deserved for doing something wrong. I felt so sad for the little girl.....I commented to her grandmother about it & she said that they do have a wonderful child psychologist working with her to help her get through the abuse she had experienced in only those few years of her life.

Our background, things that have happened to us......all go into the learned neuropathways in our mind that cause our reactions to situations. Stressful situations bring out reactions in us that we may not even know where then come from if we have no memories of what happened to us at early ages.....I can't remember much of anything before the age of 5 personally....but know that my development began at birth. If our tendency to hurt ourselves when stressful things happen in our life, then it's probably a good indication that professional help is necessary....it's important to learn skills in handling stressful situations so that we can handle ourselves well into our older years. I think DBT is one of the good therapies that really help teach skills that seem to be lacking in many peoples lives. It teaches skills to learn how to handle distress (stressful situations that go beyond symple stress), skills that teach how to recognize & handle our emotions, & also skills for dealing with other people so as to lessen the stress that can be caused to difficult communication issues that all the time come up between people. You might want to look up DBT on the internet & check out the skills that it talks about.

Don't know if your parents would be open to getting you professional help, but it sounds like it might be a very good idea since what you are describing sounds like a very unhealthy handling of a stressful situation & professionals could really help you understand what is going on with yourself. It's a very good thing to learn at your age the ability to get in touch with your emotions & learn how to react to situations to be able to keep yourself under control.