Hello there It sounds like you have a few complicated problems to sort out and I would recommend seeing a good therapist (good being the keyword). It sounds like you both can be a bit selfish. There is a fine line between taking care of yourself and looking out for yourself and being selfish. Why do you feel the need to put down others to take care of your own needs? You need to take an HONEST look at why you do this. It is a ME ME ME society but we are commanded to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Until you settle some of these issues, I would take a step back from the relationship. You don't have to end it, but just keep each other much space so that you don't further complicate things. Be patient with each other and also yourself. You may need to end it and move on. Sometimes if you truly love the other person you have to let them go for their own good.