I really need some advice.
First let me tell you about me, i suffer from:
- Social phobia
- I have some co-dependant issues with my only friend meaning that I can't go out in public without her being around (maybe this has to do with social phobia)
- I have depression
- I have GAD (generalized Anxiety disorder) with panic attacks
- I am an avoidant
- I am hypersensitive
- I have a fear of being judged and rejection.
A lot of this has caused me not to work, I haven't worked in 2 years. The state has been trying to help me find a job over a year now. My social worker with the state says that I need to toughen up basically. I also have a job coach helping me and she finally found a job for me (so she said) and she was to call me last Friday with the details and I have not heard back from her.
Here is the problem that I am beyond frustrated with. I hate sitting at home all day while my only friend works full time hours waiting for her to come home, so I thought if I got out and got a job I would be happy. So when my job coach found a job for me (she said I got the job but I never heard back from her) I was happy (but I could have been happier) I was also very panicy cause of this. So just now I called her to tell her that I was very panicy about this job (I had to leave a message with her), I thought telling the truth "sets you free".
My only friend told her father about this and he seemed a bit frustrated about how I feel same thing with my only friend (friends are suppose to be supportive).
I have a dear online friend who told me that maybe I should try for social security if the job doesn't come through (I know I have brought up the topic of social security here before but the thought of them rejecting me is a grulling thought).
No one (my friend and her father) seems to understand me.
I am so frustrated about this. I am very angry at myself, I hate this feeling.
I want to work but I don't.
I know that I hate being so lonely but I don't honestly feel that I am ready to work.
Maybe I was pushing myself to find work because I wanted to feel like someone instead of this 37 year old who stays at home, never married with one offline friend and a family who has completely disowned me. So maybe I was pushing myself into something that deep in my heart I was not ready for.
I really could use your kind gentle advice.
Has anyone out there felt like this?
What is your best advice as to what I should do about this matter?
I feel so frustrated and alone on this issue.
Thank you so much in advance for your advice. Have a good day