I know the feeling well.

It maybe has to do with some childhood trauma that affected me very very badly. I'd cry all the time and never went anywhere or did anything.

When i went on to further education was when I was really depressed, one or two things related to the childhood trauma happened again and I became more depressed than ever, I failed miserably at school which only made it worse.

When I hit 19 i'd go out with the few friends I did have and get drunk out of my mind, I didn't realise it then but the only times i would be with my friends was when I was drunk, I never did anything with them sober.

I've never felt comfortable around people. Going to the pub with friends Id just get an intense feeling that I wanted to go home, I didn't belong there with them and if I left it would make absolutely no difference to them what so ever.

I find that whenever I go anywhere with people, I end up at some point on my own and look at them and think what I said above.

I found it very difficult to look people in the eyes when I was younger, Im much better now but still not great.

Also i feel as though (this is difficult to explain) i am seeing everything from the wrong perspective, as if I shouldn't see through my eyes. the trouble is I don't actually know what perspective is the right one, I don't know whether being able to see myself as in a video game is correct or not, I just feel that seeing from my eyes, almost seeing my nose but not quite, is somehow wrong.

I also used to have an eating disorder because I felt I was fat ( I wasn't, I'd give anything to look the way I did then ! ).
Not only did I think i was fat, but I could FEEL the fat in my skin. Its difficult to explain but I feel like I have extra nerve endings that normal people don't have.

I can imagine normal people walk around and only feel fat if they catch a look in the mirror, whereas I feel it all the time, the easiest way to explain it is that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

I was tired all the time, I still am tired but I exercise regularly so am getting better. I'm also on AD's which have helped immensely, if not given me some slight reactions.

I am a lot better around people now, the funny thing about AD's is that not only do they make you feel better, I actually came to realise some very important things while on them:

* every one is different,
* your past is your past; work to get over it and don' let it dictate your future
* most things that upset you about your past etc will only do so IF YOU LET THEM.

I had such strong feelings of not belonging that I actually tried ending it, luckily i didn't succeed.

If you do you'll be doing yourself and people that care about you the biggest injustice you ever could.