Thanks for your replies.. .I'm really going out of my mind with the stress of this. There really isn't much "preparation" I can do... but yeah, the idea that it would be "over and done with" prep... and it isn't going to be over and done with... authority issues of when I was injured... authority not doing right... soon... I am so triggered...by this...

I have to tell myself it is not anything personal towards me...but that it happens the lady is out of town... that she didn't return T's call.... etc etc but you'd think someone would be doing her job if she's on personal time, or that she'd be checking her calls if she's working???? I mean, he called her Tuesday.

The anxiety has me. I hate this. I hate feeling this way... out of control, triggered. I called and left 3 messages for T and that was AFTER I saw him today. I don't want to live this way..and I can't see to feel like it won't always be this way... it sounds right, but no, not in real life...

I'm angry too, I think. How dare they upset me this way? How dare they intrude upon my life as I'm just barely going through the motions, not doing anything more than going to PT, T, eating, basic home... just to maintain the status quo? How dare they upset my status quo in the "name" of saying they are going to see IF I need help (when they had already authorized and paid for that help 7 years ago and then illegally quit it.)

Sorry guys. I'm really not doing well.