I saw my therapist today. I though seeing him would make me feel better but we talked about some stuff that made me feel worse. I hate myself for not being able to let go of the past. I don't know what I expect to gain from holding on but ive tried to let go so many times and my mind keeps bringing back hurts I dont want to think about. I want to cut and cut and cut till i cant do it anymore. but what I really want is a good father figure and to be held and loved. I want to be held so bad my heart hurts. but its not going to happen for me. ever. so i embrace my razor.